currently

Currently...

listening:  to Be Here Now by Ray Lamontagne
eating: nada
drinking: water
wearing: black pj's - pants I stole borrowed from Laura Kate, who may or may not be getting them back.
feeling: discouraged I can't help a certain someone feel better. death is so tough.
weather: 73 and cloudy
wanting: rain boots
needing: encouragement
thinking: this scratchy throat is really starting to piss me off.
enjoying: the fact that I'm not doing homework.

simple as it should be

It's Saturday night, and I'm at home. Cleaning, finding ways to make my iPhone cuter on Pinterest, listening to some great tunes, and as you can see, blogging.
A Saturday night at home. That's almost unheard of. And yes, I just ended a sentence with a preposition. That was just for you, Carolyn. Thanks for the coach. Not.
Anyway, this girl is ballin' on a budget, so apparently there will be plenty more of these Saturday nights. Somehow I'm going to have to get more creative with my time... not sure how much cleaning I can do in one night. Maybe I'll study? But probably not. I mean let's be honest.
Thank God for Pinterest. Seriously. Because of that brilliant site, I am going to have the most amazing home one day. Going to be an amazing wife, and a really freaking awesome mom. Pinterest's theme song should be She's Crafty by the Beastie Boys.
...the girl is crafty, she knows all the moves.
I started playing records, she knew all the grooves...
Why do I relate everything to a song? That, or a Friend's episode.
This weekend has been an emotional one.
Why are facing insecurities so hard?
Why are people so prideful?
hmph.

one artist that I'm thrilled to have back on the iPod... TP!
and thrilled that she has a new album on the way...
this song is definitely a favorite, and it rings so true.

"...cause I don't think that we
should ever feel the need to worry
ever get ourselves in a hurry
you know I love you
I know you love me.."




the highlight of my weekend?
watching this last night with the family:



really, it's as simple as it should be...
I think I'm feeling some Passion City tomorrow night.

"..so if all of these trials bring me closer to You, then I will walk through the fire if You want me to."

Dear heavenly Father,
Thank You for everything.
Thank you for friends and family.
Thank you for sending me just the people I need in my life to make me the person I am meant to be, even if it means losing some really great ones.
Thank you for encouragement.
Thank you for sunny days, and thank you for storms.
Thank you for heartache. Without it, we wouldn't know joy.
Thank you for your mercy and grace to get us through heartache.
Through loss.
Through death.
Through things that are beyond our understanding.
And as much as I want to understand things, as much as I want to know "why," thank you for not telling me. I can't imagine how much crazier my mind might go if I did know.
Dear Father, thank you for everything.
Even if it means waiting.
For You, I will wait. I will wait patiently, because I know that Your timing is perfect.
I know that You have a plan for me, and I know that You always have my best in mind.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

lately.

Dear July, I knew you were going to be a stinker before you began.

Dear sinus infection, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here. I have to work, I have to train for a half marathon, and I have births to celebrate. This gal's to be exact.

AND I have a mini vacay starting Thursday, so leave.
Dear room, you are almost finished! Recreating you on a low budget has been creativity at its most creative. This Grace Peacock inspired piece is my favorite:

next project? must find old rake head.
Dear pinterest, thank you for your endless ideas. I do not thank you for the serious obsession I have with you. You make me want my own home and to plan my own wedding like I've never known want before. And both things are far, far, far away from happening.
Nothing wrong with planning and being prepared though, right?
I guess I'll stick to my party/food ideas for now.
Like this one I'll be making next weekend:

ho ho ho! 

Dear Christmas in July,  this is how excited I am for you

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that is all.

glory and consequence

"there's a reason i said i'd be happy alone. 

it wasn't cause i thought i'd be happy alone. 

it was because i thought if i loved someone and it fell apart, i might not make it. 

it's easier to be alone. 

because what if you learn you need love? 

and you don't have it? 

what if you like it? and lean on it? 

what if you shape your life around it..  and then..  it falls apart?

can you even survive that kind of pain? 

losing love is like organ damage. it's like dying. 

the only difference is, death ends. 

this? 

it could go on forever."

"For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life..." Matthew 6:25

A few months ago, I would have described myself as an easy going kinda gal. Laid back, carefree, head in the clouds, almost lackadaisical... I'm pretty sure I've been called a flower child a time or two. A problem came my way, I knew how to stay calm and typically knew how to handle it. If I didn't, I let the good Lord take care of it, and that was that.
I mean, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, then who can be against us," right?
(Romans 8:31) So why even bother to fill your head with useless worries?
Within these past few months my friends started having anxiety issues, family members started having anxiety issues, and a few others that will remain unmentioned who began dealing with it, and some who were already accustomed to the state of mind. Some were dealing with anxiety so great, they decided to see a doctor and consider medication, others already on medication. I used to be against this. 
I mean, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses ALL comprehension, will guard your hearts AND your minds in Christ Jesus,"
... right?

(Philippians 4:4-7) Who can't say amen to that?

But lately, I have experienced this condition firsthand.

First panic attack and e'erythang, so I'm a little more understanding of the seriousness of it and why some choose medical advice. I don't understand chemical imbalances, because I've never had one; but I do understand the need for medicine. My brother is a pharmacist for crying out loud. Medicine is/can be necessary, but worry is not and never will be.

For me, it started with an awareness of anxiety. It began with the people around me experiencing and dealing with it, continued with me losing someone because of it, and peaked with constant what if's...

What if this person never comes to their senses?

What if I can't do this?

What if I can't make that payment next month?

I'm sure you've had your fair share of what if's...

What if she's pregnant?

What if he leaves?

What if it is cancer?

What if I have no job next year?

The mind can be a troubling place. My ninth (and tenth) grade english teacher, used to tell me not to think too hard because it was dangerous. Now knowing my personality that was intended to be humorous, but in all seriousness... 

Don't think too hard, it's dangerous.

The awareness turns into a progression. Just like sin, you can't "fall" into anxiety. 

Sin is learned behavior. Worry is learned behavior. Therefore worry is sin. It is discouragement. It discourages yourself most importantly, but it will spread like wild fire to others. Anxiety links to our future, and prevents us from living presently.

So why do I bother worrying about losing a particular person in my life, or better yet them "letting me go?" If someone wants to be a part of my life, they're going to make an effort. 

Why worry about reserving a place in my heart for them if they aren't willing to make an effort to stay?

I deserve someone who isn't scared of making an effort, who wants to make an effort.

Why worry about next month's bills?

Why worry?

"If you find yourselves so loaded, at least remember this: it is your own doing, not God's. He begs you to leave the future to Him and to mind the present."

-George MacDonald

In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus tells us not to worry FIVE times. 

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? Any why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will he not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care about itself, Each day has enough trouble of its own."
.. isn't that the truth? This week has been one gigantic worry after the next for me, but in my attempt to be anxious for nothing, when the going gets tough, the tough get going; so I pick one of these verses and I say them over and over in my head. Or aloud. Even if I look like a crazy idiot repeating to myself, "Do not worry about your life, do not worry about your life," at least I won't feel like a crazy idiot later when I'm overwhelmed with pointless worries.
I leave you with this,
"Summing  it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious- the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into His most excellent harmonies."
Philippians 4:8-9 (MSG)

the tour CONTINUES.

Last summer, a really awesome friend of mine gave me some really legit advice. I was in the middle of losing a super complicated friendship, and the stress of it was really taking a toll on me. At the end of our conversation, he challenged me to a "summer of fun tour," and every time someone asked me to do something there would only be one answer: yes. He went on to tell me about his tour experience (which included a concert with me) and how it resulted in meeting the love of his life.
As a result of mine, I went to a ton of concerts, a few road trips, met some really cool people, and jumped out of a freaking airplane.
Snotface, you are probably one of the coolest friends I have... major kudos and thanks to you for challenging me. I want you to know the tour has not ended, and I hope to make this summer even better.
This summer, another really awesome friend challenged me to beat my last years concert tally (which is going to be tough) and since I couldn't say no, I said... as long as they're cheap ones, let's do it!
Soo last week started the concert series, and I must say it was a super spontaneous success.
side note: I'd like to dedicate my random alliterations to my father.
We decided to go just three hours before the show started, and with team effort, really pulled it off. Within twenty minutes, we were dressed, ready, and on the road to meet Ted for our tickets.
Ted Allen, as a matter of fact.
Braves, Hawks, Falcons, and concerts.
Buy, sell, or trade. Pick up, or delivery.
For all of your ticket needs.
We were a little skeptical of Ted at first, being that we found him online 20 minutes before we left, but he really helped bring our night together. Super guy, that Ted. I'd share his digits, but I think I'm going to keep him. Don't want to give him too much credit, though. I wouldn't dare steal the show from Mr. Gray, who gave us just that. I'd also like to dedicate my love for David Gray to my father. In fact, most of my brilliant taste in music is "thanks and praise" to ole pops.
(To those of you who just caught that, a little G. Love shout out)
David Gray is really and truly a profound musician, and it is beyond me when I hear of someone "not really liking him." His music, his lyrics... maybe it's that Stevie Wonder head shake that gets me.
And you all know how I feel about Stevie. If you don't, you don't know me well enough.
Here's a preview of our show-


David, a special thanks to making my first concert of the summer so awe-to-the-some.
And a special Stevie Wonder head shake backatcha.

A few favorites I ran into:


My very first concert was with two of my bffl's, Mary Claire and Rachel- and coincidentally this guy. John made my first show pretty eventful, so it was good to run into him again.
MCHammer and John,
Cowbells and bird calls to ya. Just like that Barenaked Ladies' song, I'm hot like wasabi when I'm next to your body.

Well would ya look at that... fancy meeting yousguys heeere!!

Cannot even describe to you the excitement on Luke and Katie's faces when they ran into us.
... along with all the other surprises of the night.
... 'and tangled up in memory's thorns' the next day, ey Luke?

Kristy doesn't do so hot with last minute plans, but I'm glad Robbie and I could show her how to make something happen... if ya really want it.
First concert= success.



And many many more to come! In fact, I'm going to take it upon myself to count the second show as successful. Yes, already a second. A private show, at that.
Clay, you forgot that signed CD you promised us. Guess that means you HAVE to come back to Georgia. Sal can come, too.

Until next time.

a love letter to you

a recent class assignment, tweaked a bit, I thought I'd share.

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing."

-Honest Abe

Dear you,

            I'm writing you this letter for you to read whenever you need encouraging.  Or whenever you're excited, or if you just simply need to be reminded or reassured.  Keep it somewhere safe, where you'll never forget where it is, because you may need to read it frequently.  Life is interesting.  I would love to tell you how beautiful it is, how sunsets and sunrises make your soul quiver, how a lightning bug on a summer night can warm your skin, how standing on the top of a mountain can send a chill throughout your entire body-and it's not the temperature outside you're feeling.  To say the least, life is interesting, and most of the time extremely difficult challenging. However if you will follow a few tips, I'd like to think it could help you make the most of it.  Most people think of success as having a lot of money, a large home, a luxury car, maybe even a vacation home; but let me inform you that genuine success has nothing to do with living on easy street.

 Success is found within yourself.  Like one of my favorite artists', Ray Lamontagne says, the answer is within you. Not in a career, how much money you make, the clothes you wear, the car you drive, the sports you excel in, the people you associate with, not where you come from, nor your family.  Success is doing what inspires you, doing what makes you lively, and all of that begins with loving and believing in yourself.  You create the life you lead, you have the power to do anything.  You can either choose to do great things, or not so great, or nothing at all, so make your decisions wisely.  Know that your time is precious, and be mindful of others.  Selfless acts go a lot further than selfish ones, but there will come a time when selfishness will be a must.  When doing something solely for the betterment of yourself is crucial in your succeeding.  If that means excelling in a sport, graduating college, or scoring a high-paying job, then so be it. But even then you will realize that taking the time to do something for you, will benefit others in the end.

Think of yourself as a creator, just the way your Creator created you to be.  A painter with a blank canvas, a writer with a blank piece of paper, a surgeon with an uncut body, a pilot in a grounded plane with the whole world infront of you, an architect with a piece of land, or a chef with a loaded kitchen and empty stove- you choose.  You can do anything with Him Who gives you strength.  Just remember in everything you do, you must take responsibility for your own actions.  You are responsible for your actions, your happiness, and your attitude, so create positivity for yourself.  You have the ability to change a life, even save a life, but the life you are most responsible for is your own.

Unfortunately, success isn't something that comes easy.  In fact, it takes immeasurable effort and hard work.  Set goals for yourself.  Start out with small goals that are easily achievable so you can see that you are able to reach them.  Your goals should be personal, something that means something to you.  Not something your parents, your closest friends, or your significant other, want for you.  It's okay to want what you want. March to the beat of your own drum, but always have a plan.  As fun as it may seem to live freely and fly by the seat of your pants, you will never regret having a plan; and you certainly won't let anyone down with one, especially if you stick to it.  I don't know of one person that doesn't value commitment, even if that commitment means not breaking a lunch date. Yes, you have the right to change your mind, but never ride the fence.  Let your yes be yes, and your no be no; and once you've decided, stick to your word.

Let me reiterate, life is interesting.  Yes, it is challenging, and success doesn't come easily.  Be mindful that hard word takes discipline.  It takes staying focused and motivation.  It takes desire.  Be willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish your dream.  Persistency can be one hell of an annoyance, but it can also mean reaching the top, it can mean your hard work turning into accomplishment.  And let me just tell you, accomplishment is one of the best feelings you will ever feel. Talk about confidence.  You don't know confidence until you have overcome an obstacle, whether it's conquering a fear, earning a good grade on a challenging assignment, assisting your team in reaching a championship, admitting a mistake, forgiving someone, or meeting a deadline.  Your confidence will take you further than you realize.

I realize you may already know all of this.  You may think I'm crazy for writing you a letter to share knowledge you already possess, but sometimes we forget.  If I have learned anything, I know that as humans we stray.  Over and over and over again. At times we stray so far, that we almost don't want to get back on track.  We become complacent, and apathetic.  This is when we need reminders, we need reassurance, we need encouragement, and most importantly, we need love.  So keep these words with you whenever you may need them.  Know that I love you, and always will, but the love you have for yourself is far stronger than the love any other person can give you.  Believe in yourself, believe in capability.  Don't forget your past, forgive it. Learn from it.  Your existence in the present and future will be more meaningful when you do.

Always,

Ali May

stir it up, little darlin', stir it up

He's not perfect. You aren't either , and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you apart of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there is always one guy that is perfect for you.
- Bob Marley

feelin' fine in the summertime

I'm doing my homework.
Thou shalt not complain. As hot as it is, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Here's to all of summer's joys- with or without the pleasure of a/c.

so take a hike


and don't be afraid of the rain,


or to wet your whistle.


turn on a good song,


and enjoy it while you can.


and do everyone you love a gigantic favor, and wear your sunscreen this summer.

because no one wants to look at this..

Blackbird, fly.

In ninth grade, my english teacher challenged every class- including most of my siblings years before me, to a project that I will never forget. We were to put together a scrapbook. A list of writings that were requirements, and then some of our own from complete scratch; and I remember one assigned page in particular being my favorite. A personal credo.
Reading the list of beliefs now, some seem juvenile, and some still very dead-on. I won't bore you with its entirety, but here are a few:

I believe in my personal savior, Jesus Christ.
I believe in prayer.
I believe in guardian angels.
I believe there is no place like home.  (which is funny, because this was written a year after my parent's divorce, and where we were living was not "home," but the statement still true nonetheless)
I believe in laughter.
I belive in myself.
I believe in soul mates.
I believe true beauty comes from within.
I believe that shopping makes me very happy. (it goes without saying this is one that is still very dead-on.)
I believe in traditions.
I believe in the power of music.

It's funny how our horizon broadens with age and experience. How one belief can be completely dismissed, and others can only grow more with truth. Like traditions- I believe in traditions, but never being traditional. March to the beat of your own drum.
Like soul mates. Over the years I'm not so convinced anymore. I believe there are mates out there that God intends for us, and we can either embrace the relationship with every blessing and challenge it brings, or we can choose to let them slip away and hope the next best thing crosses our path.  I believe that St. Augustine of Hippo said it best:
“Love is a temporary madness;
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides,
you have to make a decision.  You have to work out whether your roots
have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.  Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any
fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots
that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have
fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”
I know that I want this one day.



I came across Audrey Hepburn's doctrine, and I think I'm going to add it to mine:
"I believe in manicures, I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything else is going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."
So until my miracle, I will continue telling myself that tomorrow is another day and I will live it the best way I know how.  I will memorize 1 Corinthians 7: 17
"And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. "
And I will trust that my God knows what he is doing. 
And I will believe with my whole heart that it's okay for things to not be okay, for the best rainbows come after the greatest storms.

According to Yvon Chouinard, it's not an adventure until something goes  wrong.
Life is one giant adventure, and I'm going to march to the beat of my own drum and scout.it.out.
Take these broken wings and learn to fly.

"I will see you someday when I've woken, I'll be so happy to have spoken, I'll have so much to tell you about it."

Dogs have owners, cats have staff, but a house is not a home without a pet.

Growing up, (most) every little girl dreams of living a fairy tale. Usually the story being a beautiful young maiden that will one day be rescued by her handsome prince, and in return become a princess and live an extraordinary life not having to worry about a thing. So they practice by playing dress up, sneaking into their mother's make up, and of course finding the crowning pair of high heel shoes (that are five sizes to big). They watch their favorite movies like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, etc., to ensure princess-like behavior.  For some little girls it really is a dream, maybe even an obsession. For others, like myself, it was simply make believe. While my friends were wanting to watch their favorite Disney princess movies and dream of being rescued, I wanted to watch Homeward Bound, Lady and the Tramp, 101 Dalmations, The Fox and the Hound, The Lion King, Bambi, Air Bud, ... ok you get my point. Oh, but let's not forget Old Yeller, The AristoCats, and Finding Nemo.
Don't get me wrong, I definitely had my moments of make believe growing up. I had my baby dolls, an extra set of old car keys, and my car (or wooden rocking horse that had a hole in the poor things ear where I had dug for my keys to go), and I drove (or rocked) around the house pretending to run errands and imitate all of the things my mother did. However, on my ideal day I was loving on whichever pet would allow it at the time. And loving hard.

I took heart at a very young age to animals being the exemplary friend. Not telling our secrets, always being there (not to mention being excited about it), and loving us unconditionally.

Every child should grow up knowing this sweet love. What good would their favorite 50's day at school be without a picture with their B.F.F. to start it off right? 

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
-Groucho Marx




If anything, they are the best teachers God could send us. They never complain, even when they're sick.
They are very easily excitable. You can yell at them, beat them, forget to feed them, and they're still going to love you at the end of the day.  They can talk without saying a word, and they'll even dance with you.

















They enjoy the simple things life, like feeling the wind blow through their hair on a pretty day,

or just simply being by your side to pick up an ice cream sundae.

 

I owe my parents a huge thank you for allowing me to learn and appreciate this at such an early start.

And major points to these parents, and high hopes for their offspring that they too will appreciate each and every friend they are blessed to love and get to know.

Happy loving!