Tuesday, September 27, 2011



listening:  to Be Here Now by Ray Lamontagne
eating: nada
drinking: water
wearing: black pj's - pants I stole borrowed from Laura Kate, who may or may not be getting them back.
feeling: discouraged I can't help a certain someone feel better. death is so tough.
weather: 73 and cloudy
wanting: rain boots
needing: encouragement
thinking: this scratchy throat is really starting to piss me off.
enjoying: the fact that I'm not doing homework.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

simple as it should be

It's Saturday night, and I'm at home. Cleaning, finding ways to make my iPhone cuter on Pinterest, listening to some great tunes, and as you can see, blogging.
A Saturday night at home. That's almost unheard of. And yes, I just ended a sentence with a preposition. That was just for you, Carolyn. Thanks for the coach. Not.
Anyway, this girl is ballin' on a budget, so apparently there will be plenty more of these Saturday nights. Somehow I'm going to have to get more creative with my time... not sure how much cleaning I can do in one night. Maybe I'll study? But probably not. I mean let's be honest.
Thank God for Pinterest. Seriously. Because of that brilliant site, I am going to have the most amazing home one day. Going to be an amazing wife, and a really freaking awesome mom. Pinterest's theme song should be She's Crafty by the Beastie Boys.
...the girl is crafty, she knows all the moves.
I started playing records, she knew all the grooves...
Why do I relate everything to a song? That, or a Friend's episode.
This weekend has been an emotional one.
Why are facing insecurities so hard?
Why are people so prideful?

one artist that I'm thrilled to have back on the iPod... TP!
and thrilled that she has a new album on the way...
this song is definitely a favorite, and it rings so true.

"...cause I don't think that we
should ever feel the need to worry
ever get ourselves in a hurry
you know I love you
I know you love me.."

the highlight of my weekend?
watching this last night with the family:

really, it's as simple as it should be...
I think I'm feeling some Passion City tomorrow night.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

"..so if all of these trials bring me closer to You, then I will walk through the fire if You want me to."

Dear heavenly Father,
Thank You for everything.
Thank you for friends and family.
Thank you for sending me just the people I need in my life to make me the person I am meant to be, even if it means losing some really great ones.
Thank you for encouragement.
Thank you for sunny days, and thank you for storms.
Thank you for heartache. Without it, we wouldn't know joy.
Thank you for your mercy and grace to get us through heartache.
Through loss.
Through death.
Through things that are beyond our understanding.
And as much as I want to understand things, as much as I want to know "why," thank you for not telling me. I can't imagine how much crazier my mind might go if I did know.
Dear Father, thank you for everything.
Even if it means waiting.
For You, I will wait. I will wait patiently, because I know that Your timing is perfect.
I know that You have a plan for me, and I know that You always have my best in mind.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Sunday, July 24, 2011


Dear July, I knew you were going to be a stinker before you began.

Dear sinus infection, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here. I have to work, I have to train for a half marathon, and I have births to celebrate. This gal's to be exact.

AND I have a mini vacay starting Thursday, so leave.
Dear room, you are almost finished! Recreating you on a low budget has been creativity at its most creative. This Grace Peacock inspired piece is my favorite:

next project? must find old rake head.
Dear pinterest, thank you for your endless ideas. I do not thank you for the serious obsession I have with you. You make me want my own home and to plan my own wedding like I've never known want before. And both things are far, far, far away from happening.
Nothing wrong with planning and being prepared though, right?
I guess I'll stick to my party/food ideas for now.
Like this one I'll be making next weekend:


ho ho ho! 
Dear Christmas in July,  this is how excited I am for you


that is all.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

glory and consequence

"there's a reason i said i'd be happy alone. 
it wasn't cause i thought i'd be happy alone. 
it was because i thought if i loved someone and it fell apart, i might not make it. 
it's easier to be alone. 
because what if you learn you need love? 
and you don't have it? 
what if you like it? and lean on it? 
what if you shape your life around it..  and then..  it falls apart?
can you even survive that kind of pain? 
losing love is like organ damage. it's like dying. 
the only difference is, death ends. 
it could go on forever."

Saturday, July 16, 2011

"For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life..." Matthew 6:25

A few months ago, I would have described myself as an easy going kinda gal. Laid back, carefree, head in the clouds, almost lackadaisical... I'm pretty sure I've been called a flower child a time or two. A problem came my way, I knew how to stay calm and typically knew how to handle it. If I didn't, I let the good Lord take care of it, and that was that.
I mean, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, then who can be against us," right?
(Romans 8:31) So why even bother to fill your head with useless worries?
Within these past few months my friends started having anxiety issues, family members started having anxiety issues, and a few others that will remain unmentioned who began dealing with it, and some who were already accustomed to the state of mind. Some were dealing with anxiety so great, they decided to see a doctor and consider medication, others already on medication. I used to be against this
I mean, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses ALL comprehension, will guard your hearts AND your minds in Christ Jesus,"
... right?
(Philippians 4:4-7) Who can't say amen to that?
But lately, I have experienced this condition firsthand.

First panic attack and e'erythang, so I'm a little more understanding of the seriousness of it and why some choose medical advice. I don't understand chemical imbalances, because I've never had one; but I do understand the need for medicine. My brother is a pharmacist for crying out loud. Medicine is/can be necessary, but worry is not and never will be.
For me, it started with an awareness of anxiety. It began with the people around me experiencing and dealing with it, continued with me losing someone because of it, and peaked with constant what if's...
What if this person never comes to their senses?
What if I can't do this?
What if I can't make that payment next month?
I'm sure you've had your fair share of what if's...
What if she's pregnant?
What if he leaves?
What if it is cancer?
What if I have no job next year?
The mind can be a troubling place. My ninth (and tenth) grade english teacher, used to tell me not to think too hard because it was dangerous. Now knowing my personality that was intended to be humorous, but in all seriousness... 
Don't think too hard, it's dangerous.
The awareness turns into a progression. Just like sin, you can't "fall" into anxiety. 
Sin is learned behavior. Worry is learned behavior. Therefore worry is sin. It is discouragement. It discourages yourself most importantly, but it will spread like wild fire to others. Anxiety links to our future, and prevents us from living presently.
So why do I bother worrying about losing a particular person in my life, or better yet them "letting me go?" If someone wants to be a part of my life, they're going to make an effort. 
Why worry about reserving a place in my heart for them if they aren't willing to make an effort to stay?
I deserve someone who isn't scared of making an effort, who wants to make an effort.
Why worry about next month's bills?
Why worry?
"If you find yourselves so loaded, at least remember this: it is your own doing, not God's. He begs you to leave the future to Him and to mind the present."
-George MacDonald
In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus tells us not to worry FIVE times. 
"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? Any why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will he not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care about itself, Each day has enough trouble of its own."
.. isn't that the truth? This week has been one gigantic worry after the next for me, but in my attempt to be anxious for nothing, when the going gets tough, the tough get going; so I pick one of these verses and I say them over and over in my head. Or aloud. Even if I look like a crazy idiot repeating to myself, "Do not worry about your life, do not worry about your life," at least I won't feel like a crazy idiot later when I'm overwhelmed with pointless worries.
I leave you with this,
"Summing  it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious- the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into His most excellent harmonies."
Philippians 4:8-9 (MSG)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

the tour CONTINUES.

Last summer, a really awesome friend of mine gave me some really legit advice. I was in the middle of losing a super complicated friendship, and the stress of it was really taking a toll on me. At the end of our conversation, he challenged me to a "summer of fun tour," and every time someone asked me to do something there would only be one answer: yes. He went on to tell me about his tour experience (which included a concert with me) and how it resulted in meeting the love of his life.
As a result of mine, I went to a ton of concerts, a few road trips, met some really cool people, and jumped out of a freaking airplane.
Snotface, you are probably one of the coolest friends I have... major kudos and thanks to you for challenging me. I want you to know the tour has not ended, and I hope to make this summer even better.
This summer, another really awesome friend challenged me to beat my last years concert tally (which is going to be tough) and since I couldn't say no, I said... as long as they're cheap ones, let's do it!
Soo last week started the concert series, and I must say it was a super spontaneous success.
side note: I'd like to dedicate my random alliterations to my father.
We decided to go just three hours before the show started, and with team effort, really pulled it off. Within twenty minutes, we were dressed, ready, and on the road to meet Ted for our tickets.
Ted Allen, as a matter of fact.
Braves, Hawks, Falcons, and concerts.
Buy, sell, or trade. Pick up, or delivery.
For all of your ticket needs.
We were a little skeptical of Ted at first, being that we found him online 20 minutes before we left, but he really helped bring our night together. Super guy, that Ted. I'd share his digits, but I think I'm going to keep him. Don't want to give him too much credit, though. I wouldn't dare steal the show from Mr. Gray, who gave us just that. I'd also like to dedicate my love for David Gray to my father. In fact, most of my brilliant taste in music is "thanks and praise" to ole pops.
(To those of you who just caught that, a little G. Love shout out)
David Gray is really and truly a profound musician, and it is beyond me when I hear of someone "not really liking him." His music, his lyrics... maybe it's that Stevie Wonder head shake that gets me.
And you all know how I feel about Stevie. If you don't, you don't know me well enough.
Here's a preview of our show-

David, a special thanks to making my first concert of the summer so awe-to-the-some.
And a special Stevie Wonder head shake backatcha.

A few favorites I ran into:

My very first concert was with two of my bffl's, Mary Claire and Rachel- and coincidentally this guy. John made my first show pretty eventful, so it was good to run into him again.
MCHammer and John,
Cowbells and bird calls to ya. Just like that Barenaked Ladies' song, I'm hot like wasabi when I'm next to your body.

Well would ya look at that... fancy meeting yousguys heeere!!

Cannot even describe to you the excitement on Luke and Katie's faces when they ran into us.
... along with all the other surprises of the night.
... 'and tangled up in memory's thorns' the next day, ey Luke?

Kristy doesn't do so hot with last minute plans, but I'm glad Robbie and I could show her how to make something happen... if ya really want it.
First concert= success.

And many many more to come! In fact, I'm going to take it upon myself to count the second show as successful. Yes, already a second. A private show, at that.
Clay, you forgot that signed CD you promised us. Guess that means you HAVE to come back to Georgia. Sal can come, too.

Until next time.